tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
