Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
