i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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