We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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