Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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