i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
