I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
