he wants to bone in the snuggie
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
