I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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