When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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