Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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