I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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