He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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