holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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