i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
