He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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