looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
