obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
