Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
