Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
