I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
being pregnant is like rehab
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
