im six kinds of drunk right now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
