guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
