She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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