so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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