don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
