No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
