At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
