"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
