My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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