actually, I'm a sock model
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
