If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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