dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
