My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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