you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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