so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
