if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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