my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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