Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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