well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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