I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
