when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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