he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
