My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
