the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
