Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
