Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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