Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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