I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
