All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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