we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
