he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
