It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
