dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
