my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
